Lullaby exercises
by Anuna
Summary: John and Elizabeth talk about having babies.


**Title:** Lullaby exercises  
**Pairing:** John + Elizabeth friendship, with hints of what a future could hold for them  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** fluff and UST  
**Spoilers:** it's set in _season 1_, so general S1 spoilers apply. There's a specific hint at The Storm/The Eye  
**Summary: **John and Elizabeth talk about having babies.

**A/N: **written for speckleberry. A big thank you to wnaderingsmith, who helped in early stages of this story!

**Feedback** is always appreciated!

--- x ---

"I didn't know you sing lullabies."

Elizabeth's voice made John look up from a baby boy he was holding. It was a sunny day on Mainland, not quite springtime, but warm enough to sit on the outside, enjoying the fresh breeze and the sunshine. It was one of the rare occasions when Elizabeth let herself be talked into a little 'jumper trip to Mainland, mainly because Halling asked of her so kindly to visit the newly built Athosian settlement.

Elizabeth was delighted with what she saw – she hadn't visited them in two months at least. In almost record time these people built themselves a new home, never wondering if they belonged here, deciding instead this would be a place to _belong to_. Elizabeth wondered were they a sort of interplanetary refugees, with survival as highest priority deeply woven into their culture, apt at creating themselves a home almost anywhere.

So far, Elizabeth's day had been wonderfully relaxing. The Athosians were happy to greet her after a longer period of her absence, showing their crops, talking about their children or offering her traditional tea of welcome. A celebration of Spring was planned for later that day. One of the most amazing pieces of news were the newly formed families, and recently born babies. There were a lot of reasons to celebrate.

After an hour of meeting and greeting the villagers Elizabeth had wandered to find her second in command. Seeing a baby certainly wasn't a surprise, but finding her military commander holding a baby wasn't something Elizabeth expected to see, nor was the sudden wave of tenderness something she had anticipated. Not every time she saw men holding babies did she have a feeling which could only described as _melting_ – but seeing John like this, with so much infinite tenderness in his eyes, carefully holding a baby boy and _humming_ – that was something entirely exceptional.

So was the smile John had given her when he heard her approach, before returning his warm eyes to the baby boy. The child yawned, obviously ready to fall asleep. John flashed him a beautiful smile and Elizabeth couldn't stop herself from staring, because this was so much different than everything she was used of seeing when it came to John – her stubborn second in command, arguing his point; the lazy and half asleep soldier who patiently sat during Rodney's briefings; the smirking and teasing joker with slightly cocky attitude.

The desperate, intense protector who was the only thing standing between her life and certain death in hands of the Genii.

The man who was so much more than met the eye, and the man she was not so secretly attracted to. She was well aware of the attraction, she only chose to ignore it, like she would do with someone singing a mocking – song, pretending she didn't hear it.

"I forgot the words," John sighed, sounding sleepy himself. "It's a song my Mom used to sing to me and my brother. I was always good with tunes.... with words, not so much."

"Sounds nice," said Elizabeth carefully sitting down on the bench near him. John continued to hum, holding the child on his chest, close to the sound of his heartbeat. The baby boy closed his eyes, looking completely relaxed in John's arms. "Who is your new friend?" asked Elizabeth gently.

John's lips curled upward, in a tender little grin. "Elizabeth, meet Karin, son of Phira. He was born here, on Lantea," said John in hushed voice, not to disturb the sleepy child.

Elizabeth nodded with a smile and settled into silence, listening to John's humming voice. When she went to search for him there was a specific topic she wanted to discuss with the Major, but right now she found herself at loss for words. It felt slightly awkward – not because of John, or the unexpected display of tenderness on his part, but because it had felt so... _ordinary_ – the moment so calm, feeling almost stolen from another lifetime. Elizabeth was nearly able to forget she was a galaxy away from the place she used to call home, and the baby in John's arms could have been his – he could have been just a content young man holding his son, sitting in the sunshine.

A fleeting glimpse of ordinary life that was far out of reach played in front of Elizabeth's eyes, and that realization made her silent. It wasn't a _right_ any more – not for her, or the man sitting here beside her, or any of the people she brought with her to Pegasus. Instead it seemed more like a privilege. Elizabeth knew it would be like that; knew that being a member of intergalactic expedition included great personal sacrifices, but she couldn't know how it would _feel_, and she couldn't anticipate this pain spreading slowly in her chest as she sat next to John, listening to his quiet voice. He was singing now, some song about an unique and special diamond she hadn't heard before. It could pass as a lullaby, especially for an alien baby boy, but it was way too sad, reminding her too much of things she left behind for this – the City, exploration of another galaxy, the things that in certain moments, but not right now, seemed larger than life.

Right now that song was too heavy on her heart and its sadness was reflecting in John's eyes when he finished singing little Karin to sleep.

Normally, Elizabeth didn't pry, and John was never exactly chatty when it came to his private thoughts, but a recent brush with death, and John's mother - hen behavior that followed (his checking up on her during the day, using coffee or forgotten reports as an excuse) made her feel closer to him. The unfortunate occasion with the Genii taught her that their world was smaller than she initially thought and all they, as members of the expedition had, were each other. That, and a sudden need for connection of ordinary everyday made her ask.

"What are you thinking about?"

It didn't take him more than a heartbeat to answer.

"About my own kids," he said in a sigh and his eyes turned wistful. Elizabeth's heart suddenly skipped a beat. He was still looking at the sleeping baby.

"Excuse me?" her eyebrows shot up and her voice was slightly higher.

John looked up at her and grinned.

"No, I didn't mean like _that_," he said and a teasing spark ignited in his eyes. "Much as I'd love to have my own children," he looked at Karin again and continued, "I just don't see it happening for me and well... it's kind of sad," he said. Then, he tried to brush off the heaviness of the moment, shrugging and continuing to talk, looking at the sleeping child all the while. "I don't think about it often. Not any more."

It sounded like he had given up on the idea.

John was rarely open about something as personal as this – actually, Elizabeth implicitly knew he was much alike her. By now she had come to see it clearly, how willing he was to put the expedition members and their safety before himself, and despite his sometimes impulsive nature, Elizabeth knew he could be trusted with burden of command. He was one of those men who could handle it, even if it was crushing; he would never lament out loud the price he'd have to pay.

Well, almost never.

This wasn't exactly a lament, but the wistful light lingering in John's gaze made it clear that there was a price, even for a man like John who seemed happy to be left alone. Suddenly, Elizabeth realized how little she still knew about him.

"They're brave," said John suddenly, breaking the silence he sank into.

"What do you mean?" prodded Elizabeth gently, sensing this was a rare occasion when he was relaxed enough to let his defenses slip, even just a little.

"The Athosians. I mean, look at this," he looked up and circled the houses they could see from where they were sitting. "Look at this place. And they're having kids. In _this_ place," a darker shade lurked in John's eyes and Elizabeth could see a reflection of her own fears. The Wraith, the betraying allies and intergalactic terrorists. John frowned, with eyes trained into the distance. "Who'd have a kid in Atlantis?" he shook his head slightly.

Elizabeth couldn't stop a small grin. "In Atlantis? Aren't you getting a little bit ahead of yourself, Major?"

John turned to look at her and his eyes were warm, but serious.

"Am I? Who can guarantee we'd find another ZPM and ever ...go back? Granted, we could find a ZPM tomorrow, but what if we don't? Tell me you haven't thought about that?"

_Of course I did_, she thought. Elizabeth's throat was tight as she sat beside him and stared into the same distance he was looking toward. Miles away, hidden between the clouds and basking in the ocean, there was their City.

Gripping the edges of the bench tighter, Elizabeth took a deep breath – he had a point. This place was their reality. Elizabeth could see and feel her people were slowly letting go of what they knew before, embracing the new – just like the Athosians, many of them decided they should belong to the place they found themselves in, and just like she knew that the precious moments of ordinary being sacrificed for something exceptional and important, Elizabeth knew they might never go home. She knew it when she accepted to be the leader of the Atlantis expedition, but she couldn't know how exactly that would _feel_.

But then, one thing about human race was true – its members knew the art of survival. She smiled, looking at the sleeping baby boy again.

"I guess the answer is right in your hands," said Elizabeth, leaning closer to observe the baby. Little Karin sighed peacefully in his sleep. His little world was still perfect and safe and for a moment Elizabeth wished she could know an innocence like that once again.

"What do you mean?" asked.

"John, babies were born during _every_ war. Every single one. That's how the human race had survived in the first place," she explained thoughtfully, her voice turning warmer than she had expected; touching one tiny hand peaking above the blanket.

"Self preservation?" quipped John with somewhat lighter tone. Her mouth stretched into a bigger grin.

"Some call it love," answered Elizabeth.

"That's sounds rather romantic, coming from you, Doc."

"Why, thank you very much, _Major_," she answered. She could sense his mood brightening and teasing match beginning.

John straightened a little bit, careful not to wake the sleeping little bundle he held. A familiar, teasing smirk played on his lips, and Elizabeth sensed his quiet moment of openness was over.

"Okay, let's say someone on the expedition wants to have a kid. You'd approve?" he asked and Elizabeth could sense both the challenge and a very serious issue they still hadn't addressed – _when_ exactly their visit to Pegasus galaxy would cease to be an expedition and turn into something more permanent, and when exactly would Atlantis stop being simply work and become home.

And the thing was – Atlantis was ialready/i becoming their home. After all, it was all they had, and the issue John was raising maybe wasn't too far down the line. Pushing that particular thought aside, Elizabeth decided to keep their conversation within the safe waters of verbal sparring.

"Okay, John – if we were never to go back, then who am I to approve or forbid anyone to have children?" she shot back. He pretended to think for a moment or two.

"That sounds too diplomatic for my liking, dear Doctor. Are you actually implying you'd be ready to toss the frat rules into the air?"

Narrowing her eyes at him, Elizabeth turned her body toward John.

"The meaning of rules is to preserve life and functioning of a community, wouldn't you agree?" she raised her eyebrow at him and John didn't even blink.

"Preventing the chaos, right," he smirked. Elizabeth was smirking right back at him.

"But if we were really... stranded, then the frat rules would oppose to basic human rights – to be happy, have a home, start a family," continued Elizabeth, keeping up with their little discussion.

"I think I can see your point," he said. "But who gets to say we're stranded? You? Me? Rodney? Wouldn't that be like...?"

"Giving up? I don't think so – at some point, if we don't find a means of going back to Earth, we'll have to adapt. Make new rules which would work _for_ us and not against us," said Elizabeth calmly, not really believing they were having this conversation. As logical as it sounded a part of her refused to believe there wouldn't be a way back. Now that John brought it up it was so much harder to accept the possible outcome of their adventure than in the quiet of her own thoughts, when she could slip the whole issue under the mental rug and focus on Rodney's reports and plans of retrieving a functional Zero Point Module.

It seemed John felt the same way.

"That's all fine... but still, I don't want my kid to grow up without football. Or Ferris wheels. _Or_ cotton candy. What kind of life would it be?" he frowned and looked at her. "I had the last cup of coffee two months ago! That Keraelian tea works fine for me, but it doesn't itaste/i like coffee. You know what I mean?"

"You _do_ have a football game recording," said Elizabeth gently. "And Keraelian tea isn't so bad either. And I'm sure Zelenka and Rodney could figure out how to make cotton candy machine. Or even a Ferris wheel."

"Yes, but... you know what I mean. It wouldn't be the same," he sighed and for a moment Elizabeth could clearly see what he had missed – everything that was _familiar_ and safe and meant the world was good.

"All those things from your childhood you loved," she said and he nodded.

"I'm not like Athosians. You could throw them anywhere and they'd know how to start over. It's that whole cultural... thing," John looked thoughtfully at baby Karin.

Elizabeth nodded and regarded him thoughtfully, marveling at the sudden nostalgia he displayed. She wasn't too surprised – among all the people she brought with her, John seemed like someone how didn't make friends or home easily.

"We'd be raising a whole new culture. A blend of everything we have from Earth and everything we learned here. A colony," said Elizabeth and John nodded again. This time he did seem rather lost in thoughts. Then a smirk spread over his face.

"I'm not sure how that would work," he shrugged. "I mean, it would be... different. Imagine a swarm of little geeks running around the city playing _prime – not prime_," he frowned mockingly and Elizabeth laughed a little.

"And soldiers, don't forget that," she added and sighing, she said the first thing that crossed her mind. "We'd make amazing children."

When John looked at her pointedly, a full blown naughty smirk decorating his face did Elizabeth realize what she had said and how it sounded. She could feel herself blush under his eyes.

"_See a baby, want a baby_, Doctor? I didn't think you were the type," he said teasingly.

"I didn't mean necessarily _you and me_, Major," teasing back was only in order, but the blush didn't go away. Seeing him with a baby in his arms was only a step away from imagining what would be like seeing him with his own children – and she could imagine him easily playing with them, or telling bedtime stories, or placing band – aids on cut fingers. The imagery came too easily and made something inside of her chest flutter.

Then, also, there was the pleasurable activity of _making_ a baby, and the thought of it, combined with the sight of John's handsome face and wonderfully masculine body caused the heat to bloom where it shouldn't have. All of the sudden Elizabeth felt hot, and it had nothing to do with the Lantean sun.

And he could probably sense it. He leaned closer and gave her a once over, still smirking; and his eyes held unmistakable breath of heat as he stared back into her eyes. His tone was still teasing but lower and rougher than before, far more intimate, making her look into something she tried to avoid more than a thought of never coming home.

"When you put it like that, Doctor, it doesn't sound half bad," he continued to tease her, and Elizabeth valiantly tried not to squirm. "Come on, Elizabeth. If we're going to have a colony of smart and beautiful children, then the leaders should at least set a good example, don't you think?"

The look they shared lingered, and both of them held their breaths. Elizabeth's eyes slipped from his own down his face, tracing the bold line of his nose and inviting curve of his full lips, the stubble – covered chin she so inappropriately wanted to kiss. With her eyes locked onto him, Elizabeth realized there was another very simple reason, or rather means of prolonging the species – one she was trying not to think of for the last seven months spent in Pegasus galaxy.

Lust. A simple, blinding, frustrating lust.

And if she was honest with herself, she did lust after this man – he was handsome, funny and smart, but even more importantly, he was the only one who could understand the solitary burden of her position, and what it meant to make decisions she had to make on daily basis, because he had to do the same. It was the very thing that made him so close, but at the same time, so far out of reach.

And speaking of close, John was leaning forward, and if she reached with her hand, she could have easily cupped his cheek and learn how touching his skin would feel. Elizabeth spoke through her dry throat.

"That was a whirlwind of courtship, Major... but wouldn't you say we'd have to get married if we were to set a good example?"

John's eyes darkened with a promise of something Elizabeth knew she shouldn't allow herself, not even in thoughts. It was surreal, yet so very inviting. She could smell him, and even feel the warmth of his body as he edged closer to her.

"Are you proposing, Doctor?"

She swallowed and her betraying eyes looked at his lips again. It loomed just around the corner, that attraction between them that existed since the day one; and it was always there, hiding underneath the surface. He didn't move any more, lingering close enough for her to close the distance between them. He let her decide, implicitly showing his respect of her decisions, and she could feel something inside of her chest melt away, because she knew not many people had earned that kind of respect from him. It made him so much harder to resist, but Elizabeth knew, if she was to take that step, then everything could, in fact, slip out of her control very easily.

One thing Elizabeth wasn't ready to relinquish, not just yet, was the control.

"I would much rather prefer to be asked to an actual date and do some other things, and then we could think about proposals," she answered, looking back into his eyes. His gaze was intense, hard, reminding her of the day when he had shot Kolya. Elizabeth remembered emotions storming in his eyes, remembered their effect on him and what he was capable of doing.

Thinking of that strength, that intensity aimed in her direction with completely different purpose – that was a dangerous path to travel.

John opened his mouth to speak, but before he was able to say anything someone shouted his name.

The moment was broken. Both of them sat up straight and further apart form each other – Elizabeth realized just how close they were sitting – and in the next moment Rodney and Lieutenant Ford walked from behind one of the huts.

"Ah there they are. I told you, they were somewhere _together_," smirked Rodney at Aiden, looking quite pleased with himself.

"Sir, there you are," grinned Ford excitedly, deciding not to react to Rodney's implication. "Barbecue's ready, come on! Cute baby," added the young man.

Elizabeth knew she should get up, and she did so, not missing the regret on John's face.

"Thank you for informing us, Lieutenant," smiled Elizabeth pleasantly at two newly arrived men, using their presence to regain her composure. "We'll be joining you soon."

"Yes, I have to bring this little guy home," said John.

"Don't make us come looking for you two again," said Rodney and left, following Aiden. Elizabeth took a few steps away from John, finding her own fingers suddenly fascinating. Now when she had to sober up so quickly, she realized what had almost happened. Talking about making new rules and starting a colony was nice, it was luring in fact, but they weren't quite there yet. Not by far.

And besides, she was the one who had to keep an eye on things. The others could relax a little but she had to keep a clear head. She couldn't allow herself any kind of bias. Not right now. That conversation was a fantasy, for now it had to be.

Elizabeth heard John's steps, herd him talking to Karin's mother and bidding them a goodbye. She heard him walking back to her and when he reached her, she avoided to look into his eyes for a moment, until he tugged at her hand.

Elizabeth looked up and found him smirking into her face – he was fully aware of the effect he had on her, of what lay beneath the surface between them; and judging from the still glowing fire in his eyes and how his gaze stuck onto her lips for a moment, he wasn't far behind her.

She realized his fingers still held hers lightly as the sounds of the celebration that was beginning reached them.

"Just for the record, Doctor," John breathed quietly toward her face, as she saw his lips descending toward hers. "About the date you mentioned," he looked into her eyes once again, and she could see a moment of uncertainty. Then they were just a breath away from each other, close enough to taste the air they shared. Elizabeth had closed her eyes when she felt a mere brush of his lips against hers- tender but so confidently _there_. Much to her regret it was over even before it really started, and when she looked at John he had been smiling like he knew some sort of secret.

"I'm officially asking," was all he said.

The End!

--- x ---

I mentioned a song in here. Here it is:

_I dug up a diamond  
Rare and fine  
I dug up a diamond  
In a deep dark mine  
If only I could cling to  
my beautiful find  
I dug up a diamond  
In a deep dark mine_

_My gem is special  
Beyond all worth  
As strong as any metal  
Or stone in the earth  
Sharp as any razor  
Or blade you can buy  
Bright as any laser  
Or any star in the sky_

_Maybe once in a lifetime  
You'll hold one in your hand  
Once in a lifetime  
In this land  
Where the journey ends  
In a worthless claim  
Time and again  
In the mining game_

_I dug up a diamond  
Rare and fine  
I dug up a diamond  
In a deep dark mine  
Down in the darkness  
In the dirt and the grime  
I dug up a diamond  
In a deep dark mine  
_  
~ _I dug up a diamond_, by Mark Knopfler


End file.
